"Damn we fucked up. But that shit was fun!"

FAKE FRIENDS: 

Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: 

Are the reason you have no food.

FAKE FRIENDS: 

Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: 

Would be sitting next to you saying "Damn we fucked up. But that shit was fun!"

FAKE FRIENDS: 

Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: 

Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.

FAKE FRIENDS: 

Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: 

Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.

FAKE FRIENDS: 

Are for a while.
REAL FRIENDS: 

Are for life.

FAKE FRIENDS: 

Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: 

Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch drink the rest of that you know we don't waste."

FAKE FRIENDS: 

Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: 

Will knock them the fuck out.